I'm Known As the ‘Penis and Vagina’ Kid from the Arnold Schwarzenegger Comedy: A Candid Conversation.
The Austrian Oak is universally recognized as an action movie legend. Yet, during the peak of his cinematic dominance in the 1980s and 1990s, he also delivered several critically acclaimed comedies. Chief among them is Kindergarten Cop, which marks its 35th anniversary this holiday season.
The Film and That Line
In the 1990 movie, Schwarzenegger plays a hardened detective who masquerades as a elementary educator to track down a criminal. During the story, the investigation plot acts as a simple backdrop for the star to film humorous scenes with children. Arguably the most famous belongs to a student named Joseph, who out of nowhere stands up and states the former bodybuilder, “Males have a penis, and girls get a vagina.” Schwarzenegger deadpans, “I appreciate the insight.”
The young actor was played by child star Miko Hughes. His career included a notable part on Full House as the schoolyard menace to the famous sisters and the character of the child who returns in the 1989 adaptation of Stephen King’s Pet Sematary. Hughes remains active today, with several projects in development. Additionally, he is a regular on the con circuit. Not long ago discussed his experiences from the filming of the classic 35 years later.
Behind the Scenes
Q: To begin, how old were you when you filmed Kindergarten Cop?
Miko Hughes: My understanding is I was four. I was the most junior of all the kids on set.
That's remarkable, I have no memory from being four. Do you have any memories from that time?
Yeah, to a degree. They're snapshots. They're like visual recollections.
Do you recall how you were cast in Kindergarten Cop?
My parents, primarily my mom would bring me to auditions. Often it was like a cattle call. There'd be dozens of children and we'd all patiently queue, go into the room, be in there briefly, deliver a quick line they wanted and then leave. My parents would help me learn the words and then, when I became literate, that was some of the first material I was reading.
Do you have any recollection of meeting Arnold? What was your impression of him?
He was very kind. He was playful. He was pleasant, which I suppose makes sense. It'd be weird if he was mean to all the kids in the classroom, that surely wouldn't foster a productive set. He was fun to be around.
“It'd be weird if he was a dick to all the kids in the classroom.”
I understood he was a major movie star because my family informed me, but I had barely seen his movies. I felt the importance — it was exciting — but he didn't frighten me. He was just fun and I just wanted to play with him when he wasn't busy. He was busy, obviously, but he'd kind of play with us here and there, and we would cling to his muscles. He'd tense up and we'd be holding on. He was really, really generous. He gifted all the students in the classroom a personal stereo, which at the time was a major status symbol. It was the coolest device, that funky old yellow cassette player. I played the Power Rangers soundtrack and the Ninja Turtles soundtrack for a long time on that thing. It eventually broke. I also have a genuine metal whistle. He had the coach whistle, and the kids all were gifted copies as well.
Do you remember your days on set as being enjoyable?
You know, it's amusing, that movie was this cultural thing. It was such a big movie, and it was a wonderful time, and you would think, in retrospect, I would want my memories to be of working with Arnold, the direction of Ivan Reitman, traveling to Oregon, being on a professional set, but my memories are of being a really picky eater at lunch. Like, they got everyone pizza, but I avoided pizza. All I would eat was the pepperoni off the top. Then, the Nintendo Game Boy was new. That was the big craze, and I was pretty good at it. I was the smallest kid and some of the other children would hand me their devices to pass certain levels on games because I could do it, and I was felt accomplished. So, it's all childhood recollections.
The Infamous Moment
OK, the penis and vagina line, do you remember the context? Did you grasp the meaning?
At the time, I likely didn't understand what the word provocative meant, but I knew it was provocative and it made adults laugh. I understood it was kind of something I shouldn't normally say, but I was given an exception in this case because it was comedic.
“It was a difficult decision for her.”
How it was conceived, according to family lore, was they didn't have specific roles. Certain bits of dialogue were written into the script, but once they had the entire ensemble assembled, it wasn't necessarily improv, but they developed it during shooting and, I suppose the filmmakers came to my mom and said, "We have an idea. We want Miko to have this line. Are you okay with this?" My mom didn't answer immediately. She said, "Give me a moment, I'll decide tomorrow" and took a day or two. She really wrestled with it. She said she wasn't sure, but she felt it would likely become one of the iconic quotes from the movie and history proved her correct.