Those Advice given by My Dad That Rescued Me as a Brand-New Father

"I think I was just trying to survive for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the difficulties of being a father.

However the actual experience quickly turned out to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues around the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her chief support in addition to looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… each outing. The job of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his own dad, on a park bench, that helped him see he needed help.

The direct statement "You aren't in a good spot. You require some help. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While the public is now more comfortable talking about the stress on mums and about PND, less is said about the struggles fathers go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a larger failure to open up among men, who often hold onto harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a display of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the space to request a break - spending a short trip away, away from the family home, to gain perspective.

He realised he had to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she longed for" -holding her hand and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has transformed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked stable male a father figure. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain caused his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when he was younger to modify how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to things that don't help," he notes. "They might temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Strategies for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, speak to a trusted person, your spouse or a therapist about your state of mind. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Look after the physical stuff - a good diet, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your mind is doing.
• Spend time with other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, and also the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help is not failure - prioritising you is the optimal method you can care for your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the safety and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men because they confronted their struggles, transformed how they express themselves, and learned to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my job is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."